So friends of ours lost their son over the weekend. We say he passed away unexpectedly, because to give words to the truth is just too difficult. My heart is so broken for them. I don't know how you recover, as a parent, as a family, from a loss like this. We stopped by to see them yesterday and it was good to be there, it felt useful and minimally helpful but really there's nothing to be done. We brought coffee and helped to sort out some small details for the service, and hugged, and cried, and just were present. I need to go buy a memory card for my video camera so that I can record the service, so that they can have this one last memory to hold on to of their sweet, brilliant boy who they will not get to make any more memories of.
The grief is absolutely palpable. I've heard that but not ever experienced it. It hangs in the air. It permeates every breath and every word. I am overwhelmed by the shock and sadness that this beautiful family is feeling, and trying to carry on any semblance of a normal existence. I am overwhelmed with the idea that this can happen and it could happen to anyone. It could be me. It's impossible to even imagine yourself in this situation, to try to see what you might need or want. And then I feel guilty for the amount of grief I have, because it's not mine to own. This is not my tragedy. I'm fine. My family is healthy and here. But I lie in bed at night weighted down by sadness and unable to sleep.
The visitation is tonight, and the funeral is tomorrow.